01 COUCH POTATO

(4:18)

Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem

Look
If you had...one shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
Or just let it slip?
Yo

Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma 'n' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin
And I'm HD-ready
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting

There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth
Always says something foul
They're dyin, wow
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality
Oh, the humanity
Oh, Ozzy's family
Sho loves profanity
Whoa, the insanity
Oh, dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity
No, they live happily
Yo

Plus "Da Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
Well, she's scaring me

Look ma, no cavities
Oh, it's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime

You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime
(You're gonna)

My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King tTo "24" to "Law And Order"
The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters
Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been namin
"CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame and
So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it

I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet I watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna'

You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime

You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow
I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime
(You're Gonna)

Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"
I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"
But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day
Wish I hadn't cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay

Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
"Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"

Like to tie up those programming planners
Make 'em watch all of that junk till their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eatin fools on "Survivor"
Look there's James Lipton discussing theoeuvreof Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGuyver"
And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a
Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"

Wanna turn on "E.T." cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marrying this week
A 30 second spot then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"
I forgot

I love shows with or without a plot
I'll stare till my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got one brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime

You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show"
I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)
(You're gonna)

You can watch anything you want to, man

02 HARDWARE STORE

(3:44)

Nothing ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news

He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June

For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait
When are they gonna open up the door
I'm goin (yes I'm) goin, I'm a-goin to the
Goin to the (hard) ware I'm goin, really goin to the
Goin (hard) I'm goin to the (hard) yes, I'm goin to the
Hardware store

In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line

Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine

Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically

And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball-peen hammer free

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait
When are they gonna open up that door
I'm goin (yes I'm) goin, I'm a-goin to the
Goin to the (hard) ware I'm goin, really goin to the
Goin (hard) I'm goin to the (hard) yes, I'm goin to the
Hardware store

I'm goin (yes I'm) goin, I'm a-goin to the
Goin to the (hard) ware I'm goin, really goin to the
Goin (hard) I'm goin to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin to the
Hardware store

Would you look at all that stuff

They've got: allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait
When are they gonna open up that door
I'm goin (yes I'm) goin, I'm a-goin to the
Goin to the (hard) ware I'm goin, really goin to the
Goin (hard) I'm goin to the (hard) yes, I'm goin to the
Hardware store

I'm goin (yes I'm) goin, I'm a-goin to the
Goin to the (hard) ware I'm goin, really goin to the
Goin (hard) I'm goin to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin to the
Hardware store

I'm goin (yes I'm) goin, I'm a-goin to the
Goin to the (hard) ware I'm goin, really goin to the
Goin (hard) I'm goin to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin to the
Hardware store

03 TRASH DAY

(3:11)

Parody of "Hot In Herre" by Nelly

It's rotten
So rotten
So rotten

Oh

It was like, the last day before trash day
My place was gettin' kinda nasty
Even though the garbage I knew would reek
(You know) Thought that I could leave it for one more week

Then, um, I'm takin
Birthday cake and
(Oh) Chili and greasy old bacon
Throw it all on top of the mess I been makin
Wife's so mad, she starts to shakin

Leaky bag, and now that girl is gaggin
She's naggin
I need you to get that stuff off the kitchen floor
Is that too much to ask you for

But I see no reason why
Can't let a few more weeks go by
And now garbage is piled up high
And buddy, you should see the flies
I said:

There's somethin' rotten here (say what?)
You better hold your nose
[Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out]
Oh, boy there's a lot in here
And every day it grows
[Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out]
(Make ya wanna throw up)

Look at all this garbage I keep generatin
(Come on) I sit around all day and watch it biodegradin
Bet there's a hundred health codes that I'm violatin
Even my dog passed out and needed resuscitatin

You won't believe it, take a whiff of that aroma
Sure to put you in a coma
It's so messy, can't find my toenail clippers
It so bad the roaches wearin slippers

Warm, (uh) sweaty (uh) clothes piled up in this joint
Stand up by themselves at this point
It's so filthy, now baby, I can't lie
I wipe my feet before I go outside

I wonder what crawled in here and died
(You know) Walkin round barefoot, I'd be terrified
But it gives me stuff to talk about with my friends
Like, "Hey, I think them rats gettin big!"
Oh

There's somethin rotten here (say what?)
You better hold your nose, oh
[Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out]
Oh, look what we got in here (now what?)
Let's watch it decompose
[Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out]

Make ya wanna throw up
With a little bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)and a little bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)
Make me wanna throw up
It makes ya wanna(Bleh)(Bleh)just makes ya wanna(Bleh)(Bleh)
Oh

Some Lysol, some Comet
I got a mop and it's got your name on it
(What?)I'm just kiddin, doggone it
(Oh)Unless you gonna do it

Careful not to (eh?) breathe the fumes
Check it, garbage piles are goin all the way to the bathroom
Turned into toxic waste sometime this afternoon
Better get a Hazmat suit and a push broom
Oh

There's somethin rotten here (say what?)
You better hold your nose
[Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out]
Oh, it's gone to pot in here (to pot)
Bring out the firehose
[Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out]

Make ya wanna throw up
With a little bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)and a little bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)
Make me wanna throw up
Give a little bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)and a tiny bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)

Make ya wanna throw up
Mix a little bit a(Bleh)(Bleh)with a molecule a(Bleh)(Bleh)
Make me wanna throw up
It makes me wanna(Bleh)(Bleh)(aw, eww), just makes me wanna(Bleh)(Bleh)[hock] [spit]
Oh

04 PARTY AT THE LEPER COLONY

(3:37)

Finger food and an ice cold keg
It won't cost you an arm and a leg
Dance all night to a rotten band
Come on, people, let's give em a hand

Saturday night, it's the place to be
Everybody cut footloose with me
At the party at the leper colony
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony

Hey

Met a little lady so pretty and young
She was quite a little talker till the cat got her tongue
She oozed up beside me, I turned on my charm
Well, pretty soon she was completely disarmed

I said, "Girl, now don't fall to pieces on me"
But she cried her eyes out literally
At the party at the leper colony
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony
Hey, hey

Hey now, buddy, don't you give me no lip
Sorry I was using your head for dip
There's a guy in the hot tub, I don't know who
Wait a minute, it looks like Stu

Well, hold the phone now, what do I see?
Another pretty mama got her eye on me
At the party at the leper colony
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony

There's a party at the leper colony
(Party at the leper colony)
There's a party at the leper colony
(Party at the leper colony)

Oh, there's a party at the leper colony
Yeah, party at the leper colony
Well, there's a party at the leper colony
(Party at the leper colony)
Hey

05 ANGRY WHITE POLKA

(5:03)

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's all right, nothing is fine
I'm running and crying

Wake up (Wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little make-up
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
(Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup)
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table
Here you go create another fable
(You wanted to)
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
(You wanted to)
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
(You wanted to)
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table
(You wanted to)

I don't think you trust in my
Self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die
D-d-die die die die die
Hey

I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Ride into the sun

She never loved me
She never loved me
She never loved me
Why should anyone

(Come here, come here, come here)
I'll take your photo for ya
(Come here, come here, come here)
Drive you around the corner
(Come here, come here, come here)
You know you really oughta
(Come here, come here, come here)
Move out to California

Do what I want cause I can
If I don't because I wanna
Be ignored by the stiff and the bored
Because I'm gonna

Hate to say I told you so, all right
Do believe I told you so
Now it's all out and you knew
Cause I wanted to

Fell in love with a girl
I fell in love at once and almost completely
She's in love with the world
But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading

Can't think of anything to do
Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting
She's just looking for something new
Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now

Last night, she said
Oh baby, don't you feel so down (feel so down)
When you turn me off (turn me off)
When I feel left ou

So I (what'd you do?)
Well, I turned around (right around)
Oh, baby, gonna be alright (be alright)
It was a great big lie (big old lie)

Cause I left that night
Yeah

Ooh ah ah ah ah
Ooh ah ah ah ah

Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate and let it flow into me
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift that has been given to me

We're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk

This time I'm 'a let it all come out
This time I'm 'a stand up and shout
I'm a do things my way
It's my way
My way or the highway

This time I'm a let it all come out
This time I'm a stand up and shout
I'm a do things my way
It's my way
[honk] [honk] Or the highway

But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors

Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy
Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy
Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie

We are, we are
The youth of the nation
We are, we are
The youth of the nation

We are, we are
The youth of the nation
We are the youth of the nation, hey

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up

Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady
Please, please, please stand up

Slim Shady won't you please stand up
(Stand up Shady) (Stand up)
(Stand up Shady) (Stand up)
(Stand up Shady)
Shady, won't you please stand up
Hey

06 WANNA B UR LOVER

(6:11)

I don't have a library card
But do you mind if I check you out
I like your skeletal structure, baby
You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

Girl, you smell like Fritos
That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
You're so hot, you're gonna melt
The elastic in my underwear

I'll bet you're magically delicious
Like a bowl of Lucky Charms
You'd look like Venus de Milo
If I just cut off your arms
What I'm tryin to say is

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Do you believe in love at first sight
Or should I walk by again
My love for you is like diarrhea
I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now
Cause baby, you're on fire
I'll bet your outfit
Makes a lot of noise in the drier

You're absolutely perfect
Don't speak now, you might spoil it
Your eyes are even bluer
Than the water in my toilet

Say, has anyone ever told you
You've got Yugoslavian hands
No, of course not, that would be stupid
Just forget I ever brought it up
The point I'm trying to make is

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

I wanna be your Krakatoa
Let my lava flow all over you
I wanna be your anaconda
And your heat-seeking missile too

I wanna be your beef burrito
Am I making this perfectly clear
I wanna be your love torpedo
Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here

I hope I'm not being forward
But do you mind if I chew on your butt
You can tell me truthfully
Am I a steamin hunk of love now, or what

There just aren't enough o's in smooth
To desribe how smooth I am
Maybe you've seen my picture
It's in the dictionary under Kablaam!

My lips are registered weapons
Can I invade your personal space
You must have fallen from heaven
That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security
Cause, baby, you're the bomb
I'd like to take you home right now
So you can meet my mom because I

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy
Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy)

07 A COMPLICATED SONG

(3:39)

Parody of "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne

Uh huh ... extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh ... save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
Nineteen extra larges
What a shame, no one came

Just us eatin all alone
You said, "Take the pizza home"
"No sense lettin all this go to waste"
So then I faced

Pizza all day, and every day
This cheese round the clock
Is gettin me blocked
And I sure don't care
For irregularity

Tell me...
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated
Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom ...
I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated
No, no, no

I was feelin pretty down
Till my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say

In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me

Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddely spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son of a gun
It's just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now?
Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I'd unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride

And the guide
Said not to stand
But that's a demand
That I couldn't meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see

Tell me
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now
Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no
Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeeze
But my neck is enjoyin a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no

08 WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

(4:52)

I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report
About dsome devistating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale, it measured 8.2

And I said, "God, please answer me one question"
"Why'd they have to interrupt 'The Simpsons' just for this?"
What a drag, cause I was taping it and everything
And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed

Why does this always happen
Why does this always happen to me
Why does this always happen
(Why) Why does this always happen to me

I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl
There was a twelve car pile up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head (disembodied head)

And I thought - poor Rob, I just had lunch with him
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work

Why does this always happen
Why does this always happen to me
Why does this always happen
(Why) Why does this always happen to me

Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)

Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again)
Oh, tell me

Why does this always happen
Why does this always happen to me
Why does this always happen
Why does this always happen to me

Why does this always happen to me
(Why does this always happen to me)
Why does this always happen to me
(Why does this always happen to me)

09 ODE TO A SUPERHERO

(4:52)

Parody of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel

Poor Peter Parker was pitiful
Couldn't have been any shyer
Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him
Even if his hair was on fire

But then one day he went to that science lab
That mutated spider came down
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls
And he's swingin all over town

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now
And there's evil doers to fight

Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his
Who horns in on Mary Jane
But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys
Who can kiss upside down in the rain

With great power comes great responsibility
That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben
If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line
Again and again and again

Now Norman's a billionare scientist
Who never had time for his son
But then something went screwy and before you knew
He was trying to kill everyone

And he's ridin around on that glider thing
And he's throwin that weird pumpkin bomb
Yes, he's wearin that dumb Power Rangers mask
But he's scarier without it on

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now
But where'd you come up with those tights

It's a pretty sad day at the funeral
Norman Osborn has bitten the dust
And I heard Harry said he wants Spider-Man dead
Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust

Oh, and M.J. is all hot for Peter now
Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down
Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try
Again when the sequal comes round

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
Cause we all sure could use us a hero now
And we think that you'll do all right

10 BOB

(2:29)

I, man, am regal, a German am I
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
Madam, I'm Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see God
"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod
Rats live on no evil star
Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car
Pa's a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam

Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol
Not a banana baton
No "x" in "Nixon"
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego
"Naomi," I moan
"A Toyota's a Toyota"
A dog, a panic in a pagoda

Oh no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won
UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

11 EBAY

(3:36)

Parody of "I Want It That Way" by The Backstreet Boys

Yeah
A used pink bathrobe
A rare mint snowglobe
A Smurf TV tray
I bought on eBay

My house is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay

Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
They had it on eBay

I'll buy your knick-knack
Just check my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBay

Gonna buy (a slightly damaged golf bag)
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag)
(From some guy) I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBay

I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, what ever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough

I'll buy your tchotchkes
Sell me your watch, please
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...)
I'm highest bidder now

Junk keeps arriving in the mail
From that worldwide garage sale (Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray)
Hey, a Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray
Oh yeah ... (I bought it on eBay)

Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)
Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre) (Used by Dr. Dre)
(Found it on eBay)

Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcett poster)
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
(Don't know why, the kind of stuff you'd throw away)
(I'll buy on eBay)

What I bought on eBay

12 GENIUS IN FRANCE

(8:56)

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box
Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks
I barely even know how to put on my own pants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France

Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka

I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese
I got a negative number on my SATs
I'm not good looking and I don't know how to dance
But nevertheless and in spite of the evidence I am still widely considered to be
A genius in France, a genius in France, a genius in France

People say I'm a geek, a moronic little freak
An annoying pipsqueak with an unfortunate physique
If I was any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a week

But when theMademoisellessee me, they all swoon and shriek
They dig my mystique, they say I'mc'est magnifique
When I'm in Paris, I'm thechic-est of thechic

They love my body odor and my bad toupee
They love my stripey shirt and my stupid beret
And when I'm sipping on a Perrier
In some cafe town in St. Tropez
It's hard to keep the fans at bay
They say, "Sign my poodle,s'il vous plait"
"Sign my poodle,s'il vous plait"

Hemenene humenene himenene homenene
Poodle, poodle

Folks in my hometown think I'm a fool
Got too much chlorine in my gene pool

A few peas short of a casserole
A few buttons missing on my remote control
A few fries short of a happy meal
I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Instructions on the heel
Instructions on the heel

But when I'm in Provence, I get free croissants
Yeah, I'm the guy every French lady wants
And if you ask em why, you're bound to get this response
(He's a genius in France! Genius in France!)

That's right
(He's a genius in France, genius in France)
You know it
(He's a genius in France, genius in France, genius in France)

I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
But the folks in France, they don't seem to agree
They say, "Bonjour, Monsieurwould you take ze picture with me"

I say, "Oui, oui"
That's right, I say, "Oui, oui"
"Oui, oui"
He says, "Oui, oui"

I'm dumber than a box of hair
But those Frenchies don't seem to care
Don't know why,mon frere, but they love me there

I'm a genius in France (yeah)
Yeah, I'm a genius in France

Gonna make a big splash when I show up in Cannes
Gonna make those Frenchies scream
"You ze man! You ze man! You ze man!"

Like a fine Renoir (waa), I've got thatje ne c'est quoi (quoi!)
Like a fine Renoir (ooh la la), I've got thatje ne c'est
Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo
Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo

Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy
Bow

I'm a taco short of a combo plate
But by some twist of fate, all the Frogs think I'm great
Oh, the men all faint and the women scream
They like me more than heavy cream

When I'm in Versailles, I'm a popular guy
My oh my, I'm as French as apple pie(apple pie)
They think I'm awfully witty, a riot and a half
When I tell a stupid joke, they laugh(haw haw haw haw haw haw)
And laugh(haw haw haw haw haw haw)

People in France have lots of attitude
They're snotty and rude, they like disgusting food
But when they see me, they just come unglued
They think that I am one happening dude

Bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm
I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball
But they like me better than Charles de Gaulle

Entre nous, it's very true
The room temperature's higher than my IQ
But they love me more than Gerard Depardieu
How did this happen, I don't have a clue

Well, I'm not the quickest tractor on the farm
I don't have any skills or grace or charm
And most people look at me like I'm all covered with ants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France

And I'm never goin back, I'm never goin back
I'm never never never never goin back home again
I'm tearin up my return flight ticket
Gonna tell the folks back home where they can stick it

Cause I'm never goin back
I'm never goin back
I'm never goin back

The girls back home never gave me a chance
But I sho nuff got them Frogs in some kinda trance
And I'm aware that it's a most improbable circumstance
But "Great Googily Moogily!", I'm a genius in France

Every Frenchie that I meet
Just can't wait to kiss my feet
Get in line, pucker up!Tout Suite!

I'm gettin even more famous by the hour
I'm stuffed with pastries and drunk with power
Now they're puttin up my statue by the Eiffel Tower

A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left
A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left

I'm the biggest dork there is alive
My mom picked out my clothes for me till I was 35
And I forgot to mention
I'm not even welcome at the Star Trek convention

But the Frenchies think
That my poop don't stink
I'm a genius in France

Say, would you pass the Grey Poupon
Merci beaucoup

13 TRACK

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14 TRACK

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